It was dark outside when Donald answere the door. She had said she would be there at 6 o clock but now it was more like 9.00. She was a tin opener and asked if she could open all his tins

For a moment he thought she might be half a can and could be opened easier than a bottle. But she didn't seem quite as psychotic as most of the people he'd met latelty so he kicker 40 yards into a local bin.

Donald made a living nowadays as a cup of tea, two sugars no milk

.............

She spent days trailing around after him, collecting video footage for her net site and listening to stories about the time Shiela Tequilla and he had "been too much for Naples".

The pantomime developed loosely around the tale of Cinderella. Donald was Donald, the Prince was a queen, the Sista a faggot ho and Buttons a sadly misshaped

It all went well until the night of the performance, when, after drinking the free vodka, Donald melted into a small basset hound

She picked him up and made him a man once more

and the hotel fire alarm went off at 5.00am in the morning. They all looked dog rough, except for Donald who had matching blue cotton Pyjamas.

They never found out "who done it" but hes still a man