It was dark outside when Donald answere the door. She had said she would be there at 6 o clock but now it was more like 9.00. She was older and wiser and asked if she could swop lives

For a moment he thought she might be a pussy eating fagot disguised as an media type. But she didn't seem quite as psychotic as most of the people he'd met latelty so he rub olive oil and garlic in to her fleah and lit the oven to gas mark 7 he basted her good and proper and pop her in .

Donald made a living nowadays as a tv chef

.............

She spent days trailing around after him, collecting video footage for her net site and listening to stories about the time Shiela Tequilla and he had "been too much for Naples".

The pantomime developed loosely around the tale of Cinderella. Donald was Donald, the Prince was a a tv watcher for money, the Sista a dominatrix and Buttons a bitchy gossip

It all went well until the night of the performance, when, after drinking the free vodka, Donald presented himself as Nigellamid night snack

She got burnt

and the hotel fire alarm went off at 5.00am in the morning. They all looked dog rough, except for Donald who had matching blue cotton Pyjamas.

They never found out "who done it" but they moved on regardless