It was dark outside when Donald answere the door. She had said she would be there at 6 o clock but now it was more like 9.00. She was new age voyeur and asked if she could stroke the pets.

For a moment he thought she might be allergic to cat fur. But she didn't seem quite as psychotic as most of the people he'd met latelty so he opened a can of Sheba and served it up..

Donald made a living nowadays as a Julie Myers' art muse.

.............

She spent days trailing around after him, collecting video footage for her net site and listening to stories about the time Shiela Tequilla and he had "been too much for Naples".

The pantomime developed loosely around the tale of Cinderella. Donald was Donald, the Prince was a princess, the Sista a DJ and Buttons a TV's "Matthew Kelly"

It all went well until the night of the performance, when, after drinking the free vodka, Donald ended up shagging matthew kelly

She realised he's not as funny in bed as he is on Stars in Their Eyes

and the hotel fire alarm went off at 5.00am in the morning. They all looked dog rough, except for Donald who had matching blue cotton Pyjamas.

They never found out "who done it" but julie myers called it art and won the Turner Prize